jmartin (jmartin2) wrote,

Update and thanks

Thanks to everyone who answered my call last night.  It is so comforting to know I'm not alone.  The memories are flying fast and thick and including some things that nobody wants to hear about, so I'm not going to mention them here, but knowing that you all care is making it possible for me to get up and face another day.  So thank you.

I've been working on little projects to keep myself busy, the most useful one being a new ironing board cover -- yay! I can iron without shredding the padding underneath!  It's very cute and made of the ultimate yellow-and-blue ironing board cover print, like it was born there.  I'm a little proud.  And I did a little patchwork this week, throwing together a Valentine's table runner for my mother-in-law, who collects seasonal ones to help keep the clutter off her dining room table (though I've noticed this doesn't seem to work very well.)  A St. Patty's one is in the works, too.  Then I'm starting on a comfort quilt for myself, a scrappy one made with only 3 1/2 " x 3 1/2 " squares -- a present to myself to remind me that I have the power to care for myself and comfort myself when times get hard.  I'm looking forward to working on that one.

Katie is doing well in school and loving going to after-care, where she gets to play with kids her own age all afternoon instead of being cooped up in the house with stodgy old Mama who only wants to sew and do housework.  I would feel guiltier about leaving her there if she weren't so happy, and if I felt I could handle her at home, but right now I really can't.  I'm so damned fragile I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with myself, trying hard not to think the wrong thoughts so I won't burst the bubble of equilibrium that rests on the surface of my mind.  I know things will get better with time and effort, but I want them better now.  Patience, patience.

Will get the other blog back to speed within the next week or so, hopefully -- need to tidy up around the house and do some deep breathing exercises.


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